Sunday, March 4th Tribute to My Friend

These last two days have been very, very intense emotional days for me as well. I arrived home from a fantastic retreat to find that my loving dog, Kana, had suddenly become ill on Wednesday, and had grown increasingly more and more dehydrated and emaciated over the next three days. I was so shocked when I walked in the door! She looked so horrible, and her breathing was so labored. Mike took her to the vet and learned that she has a fast spreadingcancer, and her blood count is quite low. The vet expressed concerns that she wouldn't be able to take chemo, due to her age. In agony,we made the decision to have Kana put down. We just hated to see her suffer.

First, we took her to her favorite walking spot, a trail not too far from our home. It is a wide, open, meandering path, running partially along the backside of a housing development. It is quite acceptable for a well-mannered dog, such as Kana, to be able to enjoy a daily constitutional "off-leash". She absolutely revelled in peeing on critical spots along the trail, managing somehow to produce enough - or ration herself just right - to milk a few drops even at the very end of our brisk walk.

Kana's next favorite proclivity? Why, sniffing of course! This trail was a veritable buffet of scentsfor Kana to inhale and snuffle and huff up her nose. Oh, and we can't forget the bunnies! On very, very special days, as a special gift, we would encounter a bunny along the trail. Of course, Kana just knew that the bunny was there to invite her to a game of chase, and off they would go! (It is good to note here, that by mutualagreement, it was never, ever, a game of "catch"!)

Today my ever-unconditional loving, faithful, honest, aware, connection to my children's childhood, protector, friend ... could take only seven or eight steps up the trail before stopping and looking quietly up at us, her sides heaving with her breathes, her brown eyes shining, as ever, with loyalty and adoration born of the truest love...and also with peace. And so, then, we set her free. I've been crying nearly non-stop, in between sharing loving memoriesof Kana with Mike. I honestly haven't felt grief this deeply since my brother, Mark, who lived with us, passed away. I asked Mike if we could sit down together and have a remembrance of Kana. He is inviting our sons. They will be "at choice" and this is a new, peaceful feeling for me. This will be a good process, I believe.

One precept that the camp participants discussed this week was "PRONOIA". In simplified terms, this is adapting a perception of day to day life based on the belief that the "universe" is conspiring FOR you. (Opposite of paranoia.) I was trying to think pronoiacally (through my sobs) and what I came up with is this: I am so grateful that I shared my life with a creature who came to mean so much to me that I would grieve her loss so deeply.

Love the close ones in your life NOW.
Kelly